Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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