You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
