I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize