Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
