And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
