i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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