Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
