he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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