dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
