Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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