In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
