I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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