that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
do herpes really smell.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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