do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Randomize
