nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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