I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
