She announced her abortion via fbk
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
