Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
