so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
