I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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