So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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