Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
