well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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