I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
