haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
