Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
