please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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