omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Its about making memories worth repressing
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
