Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
