Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
