That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it's like iHOP with fire
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
