what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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