My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
