My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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