at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
