i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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