you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
