I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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