My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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