If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
organizing the empties. That sober.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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