We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
