the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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