I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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