Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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