Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.