Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like