haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
