You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
