Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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