ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
