I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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