i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
