I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
