the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
