idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
