I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
