its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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