It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
