Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize