his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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