Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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