she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
