now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
