me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
