I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
