i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am one with the molecules
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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