I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
