I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
