His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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