Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
