I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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