Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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