The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We had sex on a dog bed..
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
