I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
