Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
