Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
