you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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