I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
