don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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