His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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