doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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