Your mouth is God's brothel.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
not ubering you a puppy
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
