drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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